Aragorn, the Croc Hunter
by peroxwhygen
Summary: Aragorn’s television show. ‘Tis just like the Crocodile Hunter, ‘cept he doesn’t hunt for Crocs. EPISODE 3 NOW AIRING
1. Episode 1: Gollum

Aragorn the Croc Hunter  
  
Summary: Aragorn's television show. 'Tis just like the Crocodile Hunter, 'cept he doesn't hunt for Crocs.  
  
Episode 1: "Hunting for the ferocious Gollum/Smeagol"  
  
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A/N Yep, I typed this first episode in computers. Where else? -_- It's highly boring in here, but thankfully iy is my last day. We just had finals. YAY!  
  
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Our setting to begin with is a large clump of trees right in front of the mouth of a large cave. Aragorn fights his way out of the bushes; he is wearing khaki shorts, matching shirt, and boots, like Steve Irwin.  
  
"Hello!" he calls. "This morning, I'm after Gollum. Elrond gave me the job of tracking him and tagging him so we can keep track of the little bugger."  
  
Aragorn steps inside of the cave. "Right, the bugger's home is right here, down this slope and in that lake."  
  
Aragorn takes a few steps, slips, and then rolls all the way down the highly steep slope and lands with a loud splash! In the lake.  
  
"Or, you can always do that."  
  
Reaching into his pockets, Aragorn pulls out a fish trap, The One Ring, a purple tag that reads 'Goll/Sme 371', and a Diet Dr. Pepper. He sets up the trap and baits it with The Ring. After tossing it into the water, he settles down on the shore of the lake and drinks the Dr. Pepper.  
  
~~~A FEW HOURS LATER~~~  
  
Aragorn is awaken by a loud splashing sound and shrieks of, "My preciousssss..It came back!"  
  
"Got ya!" Aragorn yells happily.  
  
He picks up the trap and stares in at Gollum. "Hi." He says, reaching into his pocket, and pulls out the tag.  
  
Gollum, instead of watching him, notices Aragorn's fingers in the trap. He rears back, bares his teeth, and takes a big bite.  
  
"OW!" Aragorn drops the cage in surprise.  
  
The cage itself springs open, and out runs Gollum, carrying The One Ring with him and laughing madly.  
  
"Little bugger bit me!" Aragorn yells, chasing after him.  
  
The wind up chasing each other through many, many tunnels. Think of it sort of like a Scooby-Doo chase scene.  
  
They run round the lake, in the Great Goblin's chamber, in tunnels, through the Shire, to Rivendell, and then over to Mirkwood. Aragorn called out to people he knew in places he knew.  
  
"COME BACK HERE!" Aragorn calls to Gollum. "Elrond will have my head if you don't!"  
  
Gollum keeps on running.  
  
"I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING SHINY!"  
  
Gollum stops. Obediently, he walks over to Aragorn, who swiftly takes the tag and pins it on Gollum's ear.  
  
Gollum runs away yelling. "MY PRECIOUSSS.IT BURNS!"  
  
Aragorn rubs his hands together and leaves.  
  
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'Tune in later and Aragorn will be hunting and tagging new foes, such as Dwarves, Hobbits, and one extremely large spider.'  
  
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A/n Heh. -_- What can I say, other than I get bored easy? 


	2. Epsiode 2: Dwarves

Aragorn the Croc Hunter: Chapter 2  
  
A/n I'm gonna try to get started on Gimli's, Boromir's, and everyone elses' and have more Episodes of Legolas's.  
  
Um, talkie to my peoples:  
  
Maia's Pen: Lol, thankie. Lucky, I never get to see ANYTHING in theatres. -_- Actually, Drawves are in this episode.  
  
OBStar20: Oh, yay! I got a loyal reader! Whoo!  
  
Purple Wolf Girl: Well, thank you. I try. My friends all say I'm a very funny person.  
  
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'Episode 2: Why the hell do I have to hunt and tag Dwarves?'  
  
Aragorn, panting heavilly, finally makes it to the entrance of Moria. "Ok, today, my orders are to...HUNT AND TAG DWARVES?! DOES ELROND WANT ME DEAD OR SOMETHING?!" He pauses. "Oh, yeah, he does."  
  
Shrugging, Aragorn takes a few tags out of his pocket. He also takes a tranquilizer gun and darts out, in case he needs them.  
  
"OK, wish me luck." he gulps, and steps into the dark of Moria.  
  
Inside, he can hear the distant sounds of pixk-axes falling, Dwarves grunting as they lift heavy gems out of the earth, and drunken Dwarf singing.  
  
"Must step very lightly." Aragorn says to himself. "They CAN smell fear."  
  
Wimpering, he goes deeper and deeper into the mines. Suddenly, he trips and falls over a drunk Dwarf, which happens to be Gimli, who DOES indeed notice him.  
  
"Aragorn! What brings you here?" Gimli grunts drunkenly.  
  
"Um, business?"  
  
"Like what? Come have some ale!"  
  
"OK!"  
  
~*~*~ A FEW HOURS LATER~*~*~  
  
"No, the best leader is BOB DOLE!" Aragorn yells at a Dwarf. Aragorn is now highly drunk with Dwarfish Ale.  
  
"I DISAGREE!" the Dwarf grunts, and takes a swipe at Aragorn, who shrieks like a woman, and in his defense, pulls out a tag from his pocket, and pins it to the Dwarf's nose.  
  
Aragorn quickly sobers up, and pulls out his tranquilizer gun and loads it. He fires madly, knocking out about five Dwarves with two darts.  
  
"COOL! I should've taken this job earlier."  
  
He tags all that he shot. Then, he notices the near thousand he didn't advancing towards him, brandishing their axes.  
  
"Uh-oh."  
  
Aragorn runs screaming madly like a woman, deafing all Elves in a 50 mile radius, from the mines.  
  
Aragorn dives into the nearest bushes.  
  
"Where did he go?!"  
  
"That way, I believe!"  
  
All the near thousand Dwarves made a mad dash towards Rivendell. They dashed as fast as their short little legs could carry them.  
  
Aragorn waits until he is sure they are gone before sneaking out of the bushes. He whistles innocently and throws the unused tags into the nearest pond before going off in his jolly way.  
  
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A/N PHEW! Ok, I'm not sure who he should go for next. -_- 


	3. Episode 3: Zombies

Aragorn the Croc Hunter  
  
Episode 3  
  
A/N I know it's been ages. I've not had the time. I promise you, this should be funny. Something strange arrives in Middle Earth. They like to eat flesh, theirs is rotten. What could they be? Let's watch Aragorn find out.  
  
Episode 3: The Zombies.  
  
Aragorn steps lightly into a clearing. "Hello again. I'm not sure what I'm after today. Elrond wasn't quite specific in the details." A rotten- type stench reaches his nose. "EW!! Smells worse than Gimme! Uh, I mean Gimli!"  
  
A low moan is heard; the bushes behind Aragorn rustle. Out stagger two zombies.  
  
"What the...? Is that you hobbits, trying to scare me?"  
  
Curious, a zombie steps closer to Aragorn. He then politely bites a chunk of Aragorn's arm off.  
  
Screaming like a girly-man, Aragorn climbs the nearest tree. "Elrond must REALLY want me dead. I don't even know what those things are!"  
  
A couple of gunshots ring out int he clearing. Aragorn, not knowing what they are, believe the Sky God is angry at him.  
  
"Oh, Sky God! What did I do to you?!" he cries to the sky. After thinking for a minute, he answers his own question. "Oh, that's right. I made all those fires and polluted the air. I'M SO SORRY SKY GOD!"  
  
Just then a man runs into the clearing. He is about 5'11" with black hair and a handcuff clinging to his wrist. He proceeds to shoot the zombies dead.  
  
Aragorn, scared for his life, clings madly to the tree truck. "Great, now the Sky God has sent an evil man-like being with a Thunder Shooter to kill me." he mutters. He presses himself against the tree to make himself less visible.  
  
The man ignores him and leaves.  
  
After an hour, Aragorn climbs down from the tree and deftly tags the zombies. Or, as he calls them, arm Munchers.  
  
"I want a Thunder Shooter." he mutters, kicking the ground.  
  
An announcer-guy cuts him off. "Join us next time as Aragorn deals with Hobbits."  
  
A picture of the man with the Thunder Shooter appears on-screen. A gruff voice says, "This man is dangerous. His name is Billy Coen. He has murdered 23 innocent people and countless zombies. If you have any information of his whereabouts, please call 1-800-I-just-saw-that-guy-on- the-TV-with-a-Thunder-Shooter-and-he-kills-people-so-now-I'm-calling-to- tell-someone."  
  
TV fuzz appears on the TV.  
  
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A/N Also, be on the lookout for Shopping With Elrond. It'll be up as soon as I can get it up. 


End file.
